I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
