Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I died a long time ago.
kristin has been a bad kristin
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize