Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
