drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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