I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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