when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i came on her dog
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
