woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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