rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
