Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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