I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
