Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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