Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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