your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
