Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Found the puke drawer
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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