eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
