i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
