I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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