Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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