I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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