Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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