I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
