you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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