i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
