Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
