i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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