put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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