just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
