we have pet lesbian snakes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize