I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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