i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Panties = found
Randomize
