I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
