the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
