btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
