That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Randomize
