when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
