My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
