I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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