Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
