She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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