take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
