i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
