so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
