I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
