my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
