eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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