New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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