im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
