Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
