i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
