My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it because I queefed?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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