I just pynch a tree in the face
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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