I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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