I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
