he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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