just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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