smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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