I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
