just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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