A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
