Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize