Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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