Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
