Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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