Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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