We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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