the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize