you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
