I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
