I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
