____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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