I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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