Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
