my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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