I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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