We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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