So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
