Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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