gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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