Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
