we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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