Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
