I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
