Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
